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Today I have been thinking a lot about perfectionism. As some of you may know I am currently reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. At the beginning of the book she talks about 10 guideposts to wholehearted living. The first one is:
Cultivating Authenticity – Letting Go Of Perfectionism
Letting go of perfectionism has been an ongoing struggle for me. Slowly I am becoming more adept at combating the internal voices that say my best is not enough. Sometimes when my defenses are down I can get smacked by the perfection monster inside. It almost always strikes around issues of family and other relationships. That is where my heart is and that nasty monster knows how to hit me where it hurts.
I have developed some coping mechanisms that are helping:
1. Remember you are human. I am not superhuman. There is only so much I can do/give in one day. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. Sometimes I may have 100% to give and then sometimes I may only have 10% to give. One trick I use to help me at night is I remind myself I have done my best. At the end of the day that is all any of us can do.
2. I practice self compassion. I try to treat myself the way I would want someone to treat my husband or children. Mom often has to be her own caretaker. With so many people needing so much from me it is easy to see all that I did not do on any given day. I have to remind myself that I need care too. Taking time to eat, sleep, play, and relax are all important for me just like they are for anyone else.
3. Practice non-perfectionism. I will purposely let things go a bit. It is a good exercise in loosening up. I try to take life in smaller bites. In the past if I could not do something perfectly then I would not do it at all. This is a very limiting way to live. Now if all I can do is part of something, I will do the part I can do and be happy with what I got done.
Is perfectionism a struggle for you? How do you combat it?
My book club is currently reading “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. In there she has a list of 10 guideposts for wholehearted living:
1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think
2. Cultivating Self‐Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for
6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and
Productivity as Self‐Worth
8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self‐Doubt and “Supposed To”
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and
“Always in Control”
I think over the next few weeks I am going to be writing about these. I suspect they are going to be a lot tougher than they look. Here is a clip of Brene talking about one these guideposts.
Today I am feeling pretty bummed out by the weather here. It seems like we will never break out of the spell of below zero days and snow. So today’s post will be about all the things I want to do this spring and summer.
1. Garden. I can not wait to sink my hands into the warm dirt. This year I want to do more gardening in pots. Our yard is very wet and so it can be hard to get things in the ground soon enough. I would like to experiment with herbs in pots and tomatoes.
2. Hiking. I love being out in nature and I cannot wait to get out and do some hiking. Here is one of my favorite places to hike.
3. Swimming. Going to the pool is one of our family’s favorite summer activities. I love the water and sitting in the sun reading.
4. The farmer’s market. Every Saturday and Thursday we have farmer’s markets in our area. You can find really wonderful produce and organic meats. The prices are great too.
5. Fire pit. We have a fire pit and I like to sit out there with the family. It is so peaceful to gaze up at the stars.
6. Camping. Shawn and I really wanted to go camping last summer and it never worked out. This year I am determined to make this happen.
7. Wearing sandals. I know this might sound nuts but I cannot wait to wear sandals. I am so over the boots and socks.
Just writing about this is making my mood better.:) What are your favorite things to do in the spring/summer?
Today has been a down day. Not down in a bad way, just down in a do nothing way. I am not going to the gym today. I will be going to my book club later, but that is not work. I may putter around and do a few household things. We were blanketed with more snow last night, so it is a good day to stay in.
I think we all need days like this. Days when we can just be and not be doing things constantly. I know I need days when I hibernate in the house and recharge my battery. So here I sit at 1:45 in my pjs.
I hope wherever you are and whatever is going on in your life, you have time for self-care. Don’t think of it is as lazy or unproductive. Think of it as self-preservation.
This morning I was thumbing through my “Oprah” magazine. One of my favorite parts of the magazine is way in the back. It is a monthly article called ” What I Know For Sure.” In this article Oprah talks about herself. I always find it to be very uplifting and she shows vulnerability. So Oprah is turning 60. She talks about how now she no longer needs to care what people think about her. She says she has earned the right to be just as she is. I agree, but not for the reasons she is stating.
I feel we ALL have the right to not care what others think about us. I don’t mean this in a negative way, I simply mean we all have the right to be ourselves. It is important to embrace your individuality. When we spend so much time worrying about what others think we don’t have the time to do/be the things we want to be. I wasted a lot of time in my younger years being worried about how others perceived me. I wanted to please and I wanted to be liked. Now I care much less about what others think of me. I want to be liked, I think we all do, but not through being inauthentic. Now I let the true me shine through. Some people like it and others don’t, but that is ok because I like myself. I feel best when I am being my true self. I feel the opinion that matters most is mine, so when I am being good to myself and true to myself everything is ok.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.” Judy Garland
Yesterday I bought a desk chair. Any excuse to go into Staples makes me happy. I love all the pens and paper. It can be a big temptation when I shop there. I want every color pen and marker. Highlighters? Of course, give me one in each color. Don’t even get me started on all that paper! I love blank notebooks and journals. They seem so full of hope, just think of all the amazing thoughts I could write down there.
So anyway I will get back to the chair, this may sound like a little thing but it a big deal to me. I had been sitting on a folding chair and then my exercise ball. The folding chair was too hard on my behind and hips. The exercise ball was mostly comfortable, but not very ergonomic. My arms were too low. Now I feel like a proper grown up in my proper chair.
I used the Staples website to order my chair for pick up. Yesterday was my weekly coffee date with my sweetheart. From Panera I ordered a chair and a mat for underneath. On Staples.com you can choose things and then pick them up from the store. It was very convenient. They send you a confirmation email and then another one to tell you your things are ready for pick up. It took maybe an hour for Staples to have my things ready. We went to get both items and it went very smoothly. I was fairly impressed. The chair was regularly $149.99 but it was on sale for $49.00! The mat was like 30 bucks.
While I was out last night my sweetheart put the chair together. It was nice to come home and have everything set up for me. I feel blessed to have someone in my life who would care enough to have it all done when I returned home.
Another simple thing we enjoyed yesterday was Indian Turkey Burgers. I found the recipe in “Practical Paleo.” I cut the spice down by 1/3 because the kids can only handle so much spice. It was a good thing too because they were almost too spicy for me. Saturday night we made Herb and Citrus Chicken and Blueberry cobbler from that book as well. The chicken was fall off the bone delicious and the blueberry cobbler had no sugar. It was super good! You can find the book here!
What were the simple pleasures of your weekend?