Supposed To and Self Doubt

Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self‐Doubt and “SupposedTo.”

This guidepost is a tough one. Letting go of self-doubt has been a very long road for me. When I was a child religion drilled into me that you cannot trust your own mind. The mind of man is sinful and so you should trust god and the church authorities to tell you what to do. Once I was able to put distance between myself and that system I had to learn how to think for myself. I had a lot of self-doubt regarding whether or not I was making the right choices. One of my tasks of adulthood has been to learn how to listen to my own mind and instincts. I had to learn that I know best what is best for me.

Then there is the whole topic of “supposed to.” Wow! I hate supposed to! I feel like it is a trap. So much of “supposed to” is piled on by our culture. When you put “supposed to” under the microscope you will find that often it is not something you really have to do. You have just taken what the media and the over-culture has to say to seriously. I found I don’t want to do what I am supposed to do, I want to do what I feel is best and what I want to do.

Once you let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”then you can really get onto creating the kind of life you want!

D

xoxo

 

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Spring Day

Today is a beautiful day! Even though it is windy and only 47 outside the sun is shining and the sky is blue. I just back from walking the dog with the girls. One thing I love about this time of year is watching Maverick chase dry leaves around the street. He has so much fun joyfully chasing the leaves and anything else that might be blowing around. We also stopped so he could dig in the sand at the park. Life is not complete unless he digs until he can put his whole head in the hole and huff. I am so thankful that I get to have him in my life and that I am able to watch him interact with the world. He reminds me to play and to not take life so seriously. In the moment he is not thinking about tomorrow or yesterday he is just enjoying the sun and the smells.

Maverick enjoying the park bench.

Maverick enjoying the park bench.

My two youngest joined us on our walk today. :)

Jordan and Lilly

Jordan and Lilly

As you can see from the picture it was a tad windy outside.

Pond

Pond

Pond 2

Pond 2

Things are still pretty brown here. Some of the bushes are starting to bud and the tulips are starting to sprout. All around us the birds and squirrels are busy getting down to the business of spring.

Today I am feeling gratitude for the simple things. Sunny skies, furry dogs, and my family. What are you grateful for today? What is the weather like where you are?

D

xoxo

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Beautiful Moon

Last night Shawn and I took Maverick on a much needed walk. It was cold but the sky was so pretty. In an effort to share more pictures here I took these great pics of the moon.

Blood Moon Peaking Out

Blood Moon Peaking Out

Blood Moon

Blood Moon

D

xoxo

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Anxiety As A Lifestyle

Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

I am moving onto the next guidepost. Calm and stillness is a place I like to visit. I don’t know if I would say that I live there. I have let go of a lot of anxiety over the last couple of years. The problem is it keeps coming back. I feel that half the battle is just recognizing anxiety when it is happening and then being able to breathe your way through it. I don’t know if I will ever be anxiety free but I now know I can manage it.

I use to live the anxiety lifestyle. I was always worried about something. In fact worry felt normal to me. My mother was an olympic level worrier! Through yoga, breathing exercises, and meditation I learned to let go of anxiety. It was not a quick fix and it was not an easy fix, but it did work. I also found getting in touch with my inner spirituality helped. Here is what I do to cultivate stillness and calm:

1. When I recognize anxiety coming on I stop and breathe. This works best when I close my eyes and slow my breathing down.

2. I go into my room. Sometimes you just have to go into your room and shut the door. I find gazing at the trees in the yard helps a lot.

3. I dig in the dirt. I cannot wait for spring to start buzzing so I can get my hands in the dirt. There is nothing like gardening to help silence my mind.

4. I practice being present. I try to remind myself to live in the now. I work to push the negative out of my head.

Do you have anxiety in your life? How do you deal with it?

D

xoxo

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I Am Superwoman

Today I am feeling like Superwoman. I don’t feel like I can do everything, but I do feel like I can do most things. This past week has been about letting go of what I cannot control and remembering that I am not a master of the universe. I may be the matriarch of my family but I do not control their every thought and action, and I shouldn’t. When you are a parent it can be hard to admit that you are not all-powerful. You can’t solve every problem, or answer every question. On the other hand, you do have a pretty powerful weapon…love. Love does not solve every issue but it can make any road easier. Knowing that you have someone who loves you walking alongside you can be the difference between continuing on and falling down.

This post is dedicated to all the moms, mothers, mommies, and mammas out there. Your love may not solve all the family’s problems but it makes everyone’s road easier. When you are feeling helpless remember you can always love and love is more powerful than anything.

“Superwoman”

“Everywhere I’m turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I’m searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
state of humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I’m a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I’m a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I’m a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I’m a Superwoman

When I’m breaking down
And I can’t be found
And I start to get weak
Cause no one knows

Me underneath these clothes
But I can fly
We can fly, Oh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I’m a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I’m a Superwoman”

D

xoxo

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Play and Rest

When I first looked at this guidepost I thought it would be easy to talk about.

Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self‐Worth

Over the last few years I have been so focused on being balanced. I want to be sure all areas of my life are given the attention they need, even play. Rest is a tougher nut to crack. It can be very hard for me to shut my mind down enough to really rest. I don’t have any issue resting my body. Give me a blanket, some good tv and some popcorn and I can lay on the sofa and relax. Unfortunately shutting down the thought factory is not so easy.

I don’t know if I feel I use exhaustion as a status symbol, but I do know that I have measured my self-worth by how much I can accomplish. When I am not being productive I start to feel like I am being lazy. I also start to feel like I am falling behind everyone else. Now I know that thought is silly. The media has fed me this idea that everyone is hyper productive, never gets tired, and does it all with a smile. In my head I know this is not true. But then you have mega moms like Michelle Duggar who just keep having kids but also have time to be on tv, speak at public engagements, etc… Here I am with 4 kids and I cannot do it all.

I have to tell myself that it is ok if I am not perfect, if I get tired, or if I do not get it all done. My worth goes beyond what I can produce and accomplish. I feel this is especially important as I start to age. When I can no longer do what I do now I will still be worthy.

D

xoxo

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Hermit

Today is one of those days when I just want to hermit up in my bedroom and shut the world away. I have things that I have to do until about 4pm. and then I will be sort of free. I know if I just let things flow I will end up tasking and not taking the time I need to reset and refresh. So I am thinking out loud here about what I could do in place of tasking.

1. Make popcorn and watch a movie.

2. Knit!

3. Put on some comfy clothes and play games with the family.

4. Take a long hot bath and watch Vikings on my laptop.

5. Turn off the phone and the internet.

6. Make bread.

7. Plan my garden.

All of the things listed above are things that would not feel tasky and they help me to unwind.

What do you do to unwind? Do you like to hermit from time to time?

D

xoxo

 

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